Mr. Sensitive

August 30, 2013

Eee Chu Wawa

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 06:00

When the word you mean to type is ‘replies’ and the word you actually type is ‘ewok,’ what does that mean?  I take away two lessons:

  1. My age minus Brinky’s age means three hours of sleep isn’t enough for me anymore
  2. I haven’t watched the Star Wars movies in way too long

Short help is better than no help at all, the wise man once said–well, he never met my son.

August 23, 2013

FSX Friday Update

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 19:51

So I know my market updates are the best. I’m really going to focus on the highlights of the week in the market. Which means the three big stories Lee told me about. Do you know what they are? Have you been listening?

  1. Nasdaq trading was halted either yesterday or the day before (I can’t remember which one) because their computers broke or something. A technical problem. I may not have followed up to get the full details of what happened and why, but I know it happened.
  2. Microsoft dude announced he’s retiring. Not Bill Gates, the other dude, Steve. This was good news for the market because he’s old and not exactly moving Microsoft forward, so people are ready for him to go.
  3. Ben Affleck is going to be Batman. I love Ben Affleck, so I’m cool with it.

On to the people.

S&P 500 +0.5% and FSX +0.5% (advancers over decliners 14-11)

Advancers

  • Marcus (MCS) +6.8%. Marcus is feeling ready for school and baby. As ready as one can be. The good news is that babies force work life balance, which is actually pretty nice.
  • Nami & Lita (NL) +5%. Charlotte’s cats are excited about back to school for Charlotte after a little school hiatus because they want to do some learning. If she studies anything like Lee has always studied, she can pace around her apartment performing lectures about the subject she’s studying, which should result in some really smart kitties.
  • Reagan (REGN) +3.4%. Reagan’s a Wombat. That’s her class mascot this year. I think it’s cool and different, like Reagan. She is of course excited about school and ready to get back to it. She spoke at a teacher welcome back breakfast on Monday, and while she informed me she was shaking because she was so nervous, she did a great job and probably made her teachers love her even more.
  • Lee (TGI) +3.3%. Getting so close to the end of the part of the book he’s been working on for quite a while has to feel awesome. And Justin’s website work so far is also awesome and makes us feel excited about our plans for this book. Plus who likes the return to school routine even more than Reagan? Her dad.
  • Dustin (DST) +2.4%. Lucas’s later start to the school year must mean extra father/son golfing time.
  • Charlotte (ICE) +1.9%. Yay for learning!
  • Mario TY (MAR) +1.9%. I know Lee hates it when I mention TV shows in my updates related to Mario, but how awesome is Breaking Bad’s final season right now? There aren’t many things more awesome than good TV.
  • Ruby (RJET) +1.8%. Mom’s excited about enjoying the tail end of summer weather before she has to wear her winter Crocs for her morning walks. And before she turns 60!
  • Katie (CATY) +1.7%.  I’m taking my improvement this week as a sign that a new start to the Couch to 5K plan next week is going to go well. When the girls return to school next week, I’m determined to get an actual exercise routine going. (I say for the at least two millionth time in my life, but I swear I mean it, and my stock increase means it’s going to work. So there.)

Decliners

  • Lisa (LNCE) -2.1%. Lisa’s not invited to father/son golf? I’d think that would be a good thing. I know what it really is. Lisa sent me her football picks almost immediately after I emailed the spreadsheet. And I failed to send it on to Lee so he could give her proper credit in the FSX update for being the first one to respond. Now everyone can know, and Lisa can try to win the official Brinky cup.
  • Lucas (LEI) -2.5%. Can’t beat his dad at golf yet, I guess.
  • Jenny (JNY) -4.0%. Jenny is very excited about the new school year and her young and cool teachers. What she’s not excited about? The return to the 5:30 wakeup. But we’ll all adjust some time before the school year ends. I started waking them up earlier this week and when I went in to their room Monday morning at almost 7:00 and said, “Good morning, sunshines! Good news. It’s not quite light out yet!” Jenny was not amused. She’s also a little disappointed I didn’t immediately start reading Mortal Instruments after we saw the movie on Wednesday.
  • Zondro (ZQK) -5.6%. Zondro’s not so happy about the return to the school year routine because it means much more outside time for him. Wilson loves the outside time in the relatively stress free backyard. Zondro loves inside where he can be with Brinky and eat all the food he doesn’t eat.

 

Name Ticker 8/23/2013 Change
Brinkley BCO $27.55 -0.21
Charlotte ICE $185.33 +3.54
Dustin DST $73.70 +1.75
Ghost Marisa MOLXA $25.10 +0.14
Icarus FAST $45.17 +0.37
Jenny JNY $15.18 -0.63
Jodi Ann JOY $52.45 +0.19
Justin SCI $18.78 -0.12
Katie CATY $23.83 +0.39
Lee TGI $76.62 +2.47
Lisa LNCE $27.17 -0.58
Lucas LEI $1.26 -0.03
Lulu LULU $71.77 +1.64
Marcus MCS $13.21 +0.84
Mario T.E. MGEE $55.34 -0.29
Mario T.Y. MAR $41.16 +0.76
Namilita NL $11.46 +0.55
Nicole E. NICE $38.30 -0.17
Nicole M. COLM $57.69 -1.47
Reagan REGN $238.85 +7.87
Ruby RJET $12.04 +0.21
Wilson WILC $7.10 +0.11
Winston ED $56.59 -0.05
Zero ZAGG $4.63 -0.03
Zondro ZQK $5.06 -0.30

Worst. Commercial. Ever.

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 13:00

You probably know the commercial.  It starts with several middle-aged (I’m being kind) couples doing middle-aged, domestic things–gardening, cooking, watching their kids play Little League baseball–while being playful and generally, modestly affectionate.  Now the voice-over kicks in:

“She loves a lot of the same things you do.  That’s why you love her.”

Well, sure.

“But your erectile dysfunction?  Well, you know that could be a question of blood flow.”

Excuse me?

There are several versions of this commercial.  Another one goes like this:

“You make a great team.  It’s been that way since the day you met.”

Okay, no problems there.

“But your erectile dysfunction?  Well, you know that could be a question of blood flow.”

What the hell?

Who wrote these commercials?  There’s no transition, not even a half-hearted attempt.

How about this instead?

“Hey old dude!  Do you want the rock-hard dong of a twenty-year-old, but you have qualms about organ theft?  Ask your doctor about Cialis.”

I hate these commercials.  As men and women–as conscientious human beings–can we all come together and agree that commercials for impotence drugs (and maxi pads, while we’re at it) have no place on television?  I was watching CNBC at lunch the other day, and nine-year-old Reagan was sitting at the table when one of the Cialis commercials came on.  (To give you some context If you don’t watch CNBC, impotence pills are advertised as heavily on that channel as feminine  products are on Lifetime.)  Reagan missed the blood flow line, but she was evidently all ears when voice-over guy gave us this dire warning: “If you have an erection lasting longer than four hours, seek medical help immediately.”  My daughter heard that, turned to me, and asked, “Daddy, what’s an erection?”

Goddamn it, Pfizer.

(Yes, I know Pfizer makes Viagra, not Cialis, but Eli Lilly just didn’t sound right to me in that moment.)

Leaving aside that the fact that a sixty-year-old body doesn’t function the same way as a twenty-year old body isn’t a ‘question of blood flow’ so much as it is a ‘fact of life,’ these commercials are horrible.  This is horrible, corporate America.  Janet Jackson’s nip slip causes a national uproar, but my daughter can hear about some old man’s four-hour erection in every commercial block on any and every channel the media companies tell the drug companies Baby Boomers might watch?  I’m ready for football to start, but am I ready to hit the mute button every time the game goes to commercial?  For my daughters’ sake, I’d better be.

Avian Alliance?

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 11:14

The spiders have retaken the front porch less than three weeks after a bleach-based combined-arms artillery and infantry assault that, at the time, I considered excessive.  Just yesterday I discovered an entirely new infiltration-model spider hiding between the top of the front door and the door frame.  This infiltrator had its legs folded under it so as to appear like a greenish triangle, a novel shape I might have mistaken for a crushed berry or a Junebug wing if the shade of green displayed hadn’t been just a little too bright.  I blasted it with insecticide and its legs unfolded to reveal a hellish red body as it slid down and died–I’m calling this model the Unfolding Hell-Beast.  Early this morning I was taking out the recycling and I was greeted by two enormous banded spiders, each of which I judged would measure nearly two inches with legs splayed.  One was centered in a web with–I kid you not–a ten-foot span, and the other was climbing a long strand of webbing from the porch to its daytime refuge in farthest left bush.  I didn’t attempt to kill either because no treaty violations had definitely occurred, but I was both shaken and dismayed by the obvious inefficacy of my earlier efforts.

As I watched the banded spiders retreat into the bushes for the day, I began to ask myself some long-overdue questions.  Why do the largest spiders come out only as night falls?  There’s plenty of buggy deliciousness flitting about during the day, yet the spiders stay hidden–why?  Then I had what can only be described as an epiphany.

They fear the birds.

Birds aren’t active during the night, and the early morning when they begin to sing is precisely the time the giant, banded spiders disappear.  Can this be a coincidence?  Surely not.  After all, how would a sizable robin view a two-inch spider centered in an enormous web?  As a floating morsel, of course.  I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before.  I can’t attack the spiders of the Yard Dominion on their territory without violating our treaty and inciting war, but the birds have neither the constrictions nor the compunctions limiting me.

It is clear that we must form a clandestine alliance, the birds and I.  I can provide them with the ground-level intelligence they lack and they can use it to attack the spiders in places I can’t.  Such an arrangement would have been impossible before Marisa’s death last year; as far as the birds were concerned, I was harboring a terrorist.  With that obstacle removed (R.I.P., Marisa–you were my favorite), I believe negotiations can proceed.  Lulu is too fat to terrorize anything other than Brinky’s mattress springs.

August 22, 2013

Sounds of Summer

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 13:52

Me:  Jenny, did you see this?

Jenny:  [ignoring me, cooking pasta]

Me:  Jenny, take your damn ear buds out!

Jenny:  Sorry.  What?

Me:  Did you see that trading on the Nasdaq has been halted for over an hour?

Jenny:  Something’s wrong with the internet?

Me:  Not the internet, the Nasdaq.

Jenny:  Oh, good. [puts ear buds back in]

Me:  Jenny!

Jenny:  What?

Me:  Do you even know what the Nasdaq is?

Jenny:  Nope.

Me:  It’s a stock exchange.  Twenty percent of the stocks in the S&P 500 can’t trade at all now, like Google, Microsoft, Apple, Amazon.

Jenny:  That’s bad.  Do you know what I’m listening to?  Katy Perry.  Just all her songs, on loop.

Me:  You’re the worst.  I’m going back to work; clean up your mess when you’re done.

Jenny:  Okay.  Bye, Daddy!  Love you!

August 20, 2013

Is It A Racetrack?

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 12:19

He did put a car in the middle.

race 006

Whatever it is, I’m impressed–not because this is any kind of masterpiece, but because he’s using toys as toys (as opposed to, say, spoons or dog food).  I don’t want him to know I’m pleased with his work, though, because then he’ll trash the whole arrangement just to spite me.

August 16, 2013

FSX Friday Update

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 21:48

The stock market traded down sharply for a second straight week, with the S&P 500 falling 2.1% amidst rising bond yields and anemic trading volume.  Are we in for another brief, shallow correction?  To me, at least, this feels more substantive.  The news flow has been sparse, but almost uniformly negative.  When all the hedgies come back from the Hamptons in September we’ll find out if there’s fire behind all this smoke, or if it’s just a bunch of rich dudes with sunburns.

The Family Stock Index is having a bad month.  Since we peaked at 16,610 on August 2, the FSX has taken a two-week nosedive, plunging 934 points, or 5.6% in two weeks.  I blame Brinky—he’s the only FSX member with a gain over that period, so he must be up to something really terrible.

Advancers and decliners courtesy of the ladies.

Advancers

  • Jodi Ann (JOY) +2.3%. Reagan: Because she’s joyously joyous. And, um, she is like 6 months pregnant and she is about to have a baby (Reagan’s excitement includes clapping). She’s like, “I’m so excited I’m able to give my niece a cousin that’s a girl.”
  • Nicole E. (NICE) +2.3%. Reagan: Um, Nicolie…Nic-ole. Ooohhh…I know! Maybe she has a new movie she’s going to be doing art directorously directus. Katie and Lee: Or maybe it’s because of this awesomeness.

niole

  • Nami & Lita (NL) +1.9%. Reagan: Nami and Lita. Let us see. Ayanami and Alita. Um, okay, so, they are so excited that their owner (Chawly of course) is going to be starting school and then she’ll be able to homeschool them and they’ll be able to learn human stuff, like mice are terrible. Lee: With Charlotte gone a lot of the time, they’ll be able to finish the job of killing and eating Zero. Jenny: Why would they do that?  Lee: They’re predators.  Like jaguars.

Decliners

  • Lee (TGI) -4.1%. Jenny: Daddy’s down because he has to write 4 more chapters. Reagan: Because he doesn’t approve of my engagement to my invisible fiancé, who lives in my closet. He’s been stealing Jenny’s clothes for the last six months.
  • Mario the Elder (MGEE) -4.9%. Reagan: He’s going to get teased by his granddaughter because that car he got this week is probably the 1600th car he’s bought in the last 10 years.
  • Icarus (FAST) -5.7%. Reagan: He’s sad that he’s been missing out on me repeatedly doing Disturbia on Just Dance 4. Katie: Maybe Nicole can do a performance there to make him feel better.
  • Ruby (RJET) -5.9%. Reagan: She probably doesn’t approve of Grandpa getting his 1600th car.
  • Ed Winston (ED) -6.1%. Reagan: Winston. He, um, is actually really really sad that he can’t have some of that carbonated soda there from the Sodastream. Because he’s a dog. Shame.
  • Zero (ZAGG) -6.2%. Reagan: He is actually really dreading the fact that Nami and Lita are out to kill him. At first he was fine with it, but then he was like, “Oh god! They’re actually going to kill me!” So boom.
  • Jenny (JNY) -7.1%. Reagan: She’s jealous that she’s not engaged. Jenny: Not really. I am down because I’m out of books. And that affects me greatly. Reagan: Being out of books is like being out of food for Jenny.

(Side note by Mr. S.—We have plenty of books.  We just don’t have any of the crap books Jenny likes, so she’s reading The Host again.  That’s right, not even TwilightThe Host.  Gah.)

  • Reagan (REGN) -7.6%. Jenny: Because Reagan’s engaged to an imaginary person. Reagan: No, it’s because my teacher letter hasn’t come. Lee: Reagan used the word selfie in front of me, thereby making us both dumber. Jenny: And also because she hasn’t read The Host that I want her to read.

(Side note—gah.)

  • Zondro (ZQK) -8.1%. Lee: Cause he’s a g.d. moron. Reagan: He’s jealous that his fur isn’t like my hair is. My hair is awesome. Jenny: He’s an idiot. Lee: But he’s a really nice dog.  I like his coloring, too.  That’s a nice color on a dog.
Name Ticker 8/16/2013 Change
Brinkley BCO $27.76 -0.09
Charlotte ICE $181.79 -3.13
Dustin DST $71.95 -1.31
Ghost Marisa MOLXA $24.96 -0.82
Icarus FAST $44.80 -2.73
Jenny JNY $15.81 -1.20
Jodi Ann JOY $52.26 +1.16
Justin SCI $18.90 -0.21
Katie CATY $23.44 -0.56
Lee TGI $74.15 -3.13
Lisa LNCE $27.75 -0.02
Lucas LEI $1.29 -0.05
Lulu LULU $70.13 -2.45
Marcus MCS $12.37 -0.30
Mario T.E. MGEE $55.63 -2.87
Mario T.Y. MAR $40.40 -0.54
Namilita NL $10.91 +0.20
Nicole E. NICE $38.47 +0.85
Nicole M. COLM $59.16 -2.18
Reagan REGN $230.98 -19.03
Ruby RJET $11.83 -0.74
Wilson WILC $6.99 -0.26
Winston ED $56.64 -3.66
Zero ZAGG $4.66 -0.31
Zondro ZQK $5.36 -0.47

 

August 9, 2013

FSX Friday Update

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 17:29

The market took a breather this week, with the S&P 500 giving back 1.1% and failing to hold 1700.  This is nothing to worry about if you’re a bull, although we’re still so close to recent highs that it hardly represents a buying opportunity.  The market needs to spend a few weeks consolidating the summer’s outsized gains, and the dog days of August are an ideal time for traders to take off non-core positions and hit the beach.  We’re through the bulk of Q2 earnings reports and it’s too early for companies to start guiding up or down meaningfully for Q3, and most of the known macro catalysts are likely to hit in September or beyond.  Tactical investors are taking profits in overstretched names so that they have cash to put to work once the vacation season is over and the news flow picks up again.  A gradual decline of 3-5% would be a very healthy development, and could set up another leg higher beginning in the second half of September.  Alternatively, investors could come to their senses, realize they’re paying 18 times trailing earnings for long-term single-digit earnings growth and flat revenues, and give the entire market a well-deserved 30% haircut.  Just a thought.

The Family Stock Index opened at a new all-time high on Monday and never looked back.  Wait…that was last week.  This week we opened at a new all-time high on Monday, plunged 600 points over the next two days, and never looked back.  The FSX dramatically underperformed the S&P, shedding nearly 3% to close at 16,132, with decliners outnumbering advancers more than three-to-one.  The three people most responsible for our month-long market-beating run are Lisa, Reagan, and Ruby, and those three were down an average of ten percent on the week.  Given that—and the lack of meaningful upside offset—we were lucky to get out of the first week of August with all our short-term bullish technicals intact.  If April is the cruelest month, August is definitely the suckiest.  Except for the spiders.

Jenny and Reagan are back—and in Katie’s office at work—so they’re doing the A/D section.  Brace yourselves.

Advancers

  • Jodi Ann (JOY) +1.2%.  Katie: Why  do you think Jodi Ann is up? Reagan: Because she’s pregnant! Everybody’s up when they’re pregnant. Jenny: Because her pregnancy’s going well.
  • Brinkley (BCO) +1.0% Reagan: Because he’s away from that darned beach. Jenny: Because he’s back from the beach. He really hated it.
  • Dustin (DST) +1.2%. Reagan: He’s so happy that his son’s back. Jenny: Lucas is getting serious about his whole computer thingamajig. He’s got a business card and charges a certain amount.

Decliners

  • Mario the Younger (MAR) -3.5%. Reagan: Because he wishes Lucas would stay in Hilton Head forever. Katie: Why would that matter to Uncle Mario? Reagan: Because. He knows everything. He sees things.
  • Lee (TGI) -3.7%. Reagan: Because he was so sad he’s been stuck with Brinkley in a house without his other awesome loving children. Jenny: You mean his one other awesome child?
  • Marcus (MCS) -4.6%. Reagan: Because he, um, is, um, uh… Jenny: Because Jodi Ann’s pregnant. Reagan: Jenny! What? Why? Um, because he really wants to go on maternity leave too, but he can’t because he’s not pregnant, which is sad.
  • Nicole M. (COLM) -5.1%. Reagan: Because her husband’s down. She can just sense he’s down, so she decided to be down herself.
  • Reagan (REGN) -8.3%. Reagan: Because my mother is forcing me to speak in front of actual humans. Note from Katie: I want Reagan to speak at a back to school event for teachers, because who loves teachers more than Reagan?? No one.
  • Ruby (RJET) -9.4%. Reagan: She’s so sad that we left because we are awesome and we eat all the food that she knows she shouldn’t eat, so therefore we do her the favor of eating it all. Jenny: She wanted Brinky to stay longer.
  • Zondro (ZQK) -11%. Reagan: Because he found out our plan that we’re going to force Brinky into his crate at night, and they’re going to sleep. And they’re going to have a blast.
  • Lisa (LNCE) -13%. Reagan: Because she like really really missed Lucas, but now she realized that nobody wants Lucas to live in a house with him, so she’s having second thoughts about him coming back.

 

Name Ticker 8/9/2013 Change
Brinkley BCO $27.85 +0.28
Charlotte ICE $184.92 -3.52
Dustin DST $73.26 +0.86
Ghost Marisa MOLXA $25.78 +0.10
Icarus FAST $47.53 -2.71
Jenny JNY $17.01 -0.29
Jodi Ann JOY $51.10 +0.62
Justin SCI $19.11 +0.04
Katie CATY $24.00 -0.68
Lee TGI $77.28 -3.02
Lisa LNCE $27.77 -4.21
Lucas LEI $1.34 -0.02
Lulu LULU $72.58 -0.12
Marcus MCS $12.67 -0.56
Mario T.E. MGEE $58.50 -0.50
Mario T.Y. MAR $40.94 -1.48
Namilita NL $10.71 -0.65
Nicole E. NICE $37.62 -0.98
Nicole M. COLM $61.34 -3.24
Reagan REGN $250.01 -22.38
Ruby RJET $12.57 -1.28
Wilson WILC $7.25 +0.08
Winston ED $60.30 -0.07
Zero ZAGG $4.97 +0.04
Zondro ZQK $5.83 -0.69

Try Peanut M&Ms

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 15:43

Harpoons, guys?  Dude just wants some candy.

monsterhunters16

It’s Halloween and his costume is totally sweet.  So he botched the opening–he went with ‘Scary!’ instead of ‘Trick or Treat!’–English is a tough language to master.  I love Google Translate, but sometimes it swings and misses.  Point is, fork over the candy.  And whatever you do, don’t give him a toothbrush–kids hate that.  Look at him; he’s bound to have a toothbrush already.  Besides, handing out toothbrushes on Halloween is how you get your house egged.  Or eaten.

Pass

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 15:26

monsterhunters17

Best of luck, though.

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