Mr. Sensitive

July 9, 2010

Pet Nasty War – Cat Cocktails

Filed under: House,Pets — lbej @ 09:11
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Again this morning I find myself out of action due to a significant nosebleed.  The cats are doing this to me by furring up my bed.  It is the dander equivalent of the Finns lobbing Molotov cocktails at Soviet tanks.   Now I shall have to find a countermeasure to stop the furring or at the very least lessen the deleterious effects on my fighting strength.  I see this tactical tit-for-tat as what it is, namely an attempt by the weaker power to deprive the stronger power of the strategic initiative.  One need look no further than the U.S. wars in Iraq and Afghanistan to see this principle applied: the most conventionally powerful military in history is locked in a cycle of explosives vs. armor oneupmanship with disorganized goat herders.   My military resources are so far superior to those of my enemy that I can sweep her from the battlefield with little more than programmatic application of those resources.  However, she has realized that I need time and space to strike a clean blow and she can deprive me of those things by pestering and harrying my movements.  If I am staging a massed attack such as I must in order to effect significant change in the house (painting walls, removing/laying floors, shifting furniture) I need blocks of time.  A delay from 8:00 to 9:00 can make a difference.

They are on the bed right now, both of them.  Lulu must have persuaded Marisa to support her furring initiative.  I moved the litter box to the closet in the master bedroom, expecting that they would resist, and I was unprepared for acceptance.  You want us in this room? they said.  Then into this room we shall go.  Again I see a parallel to the U.S. invasion of Iraq.  Saddam’s army would fight or they would surrender, the American planners believed.  In the former event we would annihilate them, and in the latter we would disarm them and dictate the terms of their social and political reintegration, as we did with our vanquished foes after World War II.  Instead, the Iraqis didn’t fight or surrender.  The soldiers kept their weapons and went home, spontaneously dissolving the army and creating the conditions for tribal civil war.  So the U.S. had to set the bed on fire in order to win.

Wait, that’s not right.

July 5, 2010

Pet Nasty War – The Office Door Is Closed

Filed under: Pet Nasty War,Pets — lbej @ 13:59
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Lulu has accepted the new box, and Marisa knows it’s there, but still they do their black work on the office floor.  I am weak and they know it.  I haven’t been able to walk since last week, although today has been better owing to a third round of colchicine on Saturday.  For that I have paid with the medicinal shredding of my intestines to the point that I’m basically an upside-down ketchup bottle with hair.  They have spied that out as well, skulking around after me as is their wont.  But perhaps their spies are too good.  If they have followed my movements they will have expected me to be out of action for another day.  I haven’t slept and I can’t eat.  I can’t possibly be manufacturing blood at the pace I’m losing it.  The subsiding of the gout has subsided for today.  I can’t tear up the office carpet, or empty the desk, or cover the bookshelves.  But I can bag up the old litter box and put it in the trash, put a new air freshener in the office, and shut the door.  And so I have done.  The war begins in earnest not with battle but with blockade.  Your move, ladies.

May 8, 2010

Apple Floor Cat Attack

Filed under: House,Pets — lbej @ 21:47
Tags: ,

They’re not sure yet.

March 23, 2010

Behind The Lines – They Have A Cave Troll

Filed under: Basement War,Pets — lbej @ 05:58

Four nights ago Marisa was in the basement and we heard a terrible ruckus: snarling and clamoring all up and down the stairs.  The door was closed so we couldn’t see what she was fighting.  When we opened the door she burst into the kitchen a bit out of sorts but none the worse for wear.  I don’t know what she was up against down there, but I had left the garage door open, so it could have been some kind of orcish mischief.  More likely it was a possum or a raccoon, but still.

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