Mr. Sensitive

March 20, 2014

Brinky’s NCAA Tournament Picks

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 12:28

I was unable to get Brinky to participate directly in filling out his bracket because I’m out of M&Ms.  Nevertheless, I know he wouldn’t want to miss a chance to beat me at something, so I filled out his bracket for my son based on what I know of him.  I think I did a respectable job; after all, three years in Purgatory allows a man plenty of time to develop an eye for detail (and the devilry in it).  I tried to make Brinky’s picks in accordance with what I’m sure would be his twin objectives: (1) defeat his father, and (2) infuriate his father in the process of defeating him.  What follows are the highlights of his picks.

First of all, Brinky’s not a fool so he didn’t pick any upsets of #1 or #2 seeds in the first round.  Besides, there are a lot of vicious creatures among the top seeds—wildcats, wolverines, badgers, gators—and Brinky admires vicious creatures.  He might have picked against UVa in the first round (cavaliers? what kind of pansy name is that?) except that they’re playing the Chanticleers of Coastal Carolina, and that sounds like a collection of extremely fragile light fixtures.  Brinky hates light fixtures.

South Region

Semifinals: Florida, Tulsa, Ohio State, New Mexico

Finals: Tulsa, Ohio State

Champion: Tulsa Golden Hurricane


  • Brinky picked Tulsa to make it out of the South Region because he hopes to be a hurricane, and with a full bladder and surprise nakey time, maybe even a golden one.
  • Western Michigan beats Syracuse in the first round because Orange is a color, not a mascot.
  • New Mexico beats Kansas in round 2 because wolves eat birds, duh.
  • Ohio State makes the regional final as a shout out to the Carbaughs and Woodses.  Alas, there the Buckeyes drown in the Golden Hurricane—potty-free Brinky for life!

East Region

Semifinals:  Memphis, Cincinnati, Iowa State, Connecticut

Finals: Cincinnati, Iowa State

Champion: Iowa State Cyclones


  • Memphis easily gets to the Sweet Sixteen—Tigers versus Cavaliers, Chandeliers, and Colonials?  Come on.
  • Connecticut beats Villanova because the wildcat mascot can’t overcome a school name that sounds like an ice cream flavor.
  • Cincinnati rolls to the regional final because what the hell is a bearcat?  Sounds bad-ass, whatever it is.
  • The Cyclones win the East Region, though, because the dream of causing F5 tornado damage is what motivates Brinky in everything he does.  That, and the tears of his parents.

West Region

Semifinals: Arizona, North Dakota State, Baylor, Wisconsin

Finals: ND State, Wisconsin

Champion: Wisconsin


  • This region is really boring.
  • North Dakota State rolls up its sub-regional because its team was involved in some kind of brawl earlier in the season, and Brinky gives big ups to brawlers.
  • BYU beats Oregon in the first round because…ducks?  Seriously?
  • Baylor beats Creighton in the second round (bears eat birds, you guys) and Creighton might very well have lost to Louisiana-Lafayette in the first round if not for that school name being stupid long.
  • Wisconsin wins this region because badgers.  Brinky’s still developing his badgering technique, but he’s learning from the best badgerers around—his sisters.

Midwest Region

Semifinals: Wichita State, NC State, Duke, Arizona State

Finals: NC State, Duke

Champion: Duke Blue Devils


  • Wichita State makes the Sweet Sixteen because there is such a thing as too damn many wildcats.  Also the mascot (a Shocker?) looks like the scarecrow from the ‘Lost and Found’ episode of Dora, one of the two episodes we’re allowed to watch this morning.
  • NC State beats St. Louis, Louisville, and the scarecrow from Dora because wolves.
  • Duke and Arizona State give us a titanic battle to represent the underworld—Blue Devils vs. Sun Devils.  The Prince of Darkness (Brinky) doesn’t really care for sunlight, so Duke gets the edge.
  • Brinky picks Duke over State because his father hates Duke, and that’s how things work around here.

National Semifinals

  • Iowa State Cyclones vs. Tulsa Golden Hurricane.  Iowa State takes this one because Brinky’s not one to overreach, and hurricane-scale destruction is probably more of a kindergarten objective.
  • Duke Blue Devils vs. Wisconsin Badgers.  Duke wins—why settle for badgering when you can horrify?

National Championship

  • Duke Blue Devils vs. Iowa State Cyclones.  Do I have to say it?  I won’t say it, and you can’t make me.

Fine—Brinky picks Duke.


1 Comment »

  1. Oh my goodness. I can’t believe Brinky picks Duke! But I understand your (his) logic. I don’t want to be there for the golden hurricane, but I’m afraid I probably would be since he likes to stand for his diaper changes with me anyway.

    Comment by Katie Eure (@euregirlsandboy) — March 20, 2014 @ 15:39 | Reply

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