Mr. Sensitive

August 16, 2010

Pet Nasty War – Assessment

Filed under: Pet Nasty War — lbej @ 15:15
Tags: , , ,

One goes to war because the national will requires it.  The nation’s will must be realized in fact or that nation will be destroyed and debased down to the last generation.   External resistance and internal imperfection, our enemies and ourselves, present obstacles to the realization of our national will.  War is the means whereby our most implacable enemies are destroyed, and history has shown us too that it is in this crucible of war that we find our national character perfected.  Thus it is through war that our obstacles are overcome and our will takes shape.  I have seen this and I know it, for it is true for all people and for all time.  That is why I am all the time declaring war on everything: animals and plants, inanimate objects, ideas and memories.  Everything, everywhere, forever, war.  The imposition by force of my will against any and all resistance.

I declared war on the pets and their flagrant nastiness back in April, and I want to take a moment to review the progress of the war while my head hurts too much to do anything else.  My war aims seem to have been as follows:

1.  Stop Wilson the dog from peeing on the carpets in the upstairs hall, Jenny’s room, and Reagan’s room every night.

2.  Stop Wilson from pooping in Reagan’s room.

3.  Stop Lulu the cat from shredding the front door.

4.  Improve the condition of the office, ruined by the cats and the dog.

5.  Stop the hamsters from kicking bedding all over the floor and into the dresser in Jenny’s room.

Overall, progress has been decent, even good.  The hamsters are dead, so that takes care of #5 (R.I.P. though, seriously).  My triumph in regards to #4 was more resounding and resplendent than I had dared to conceive beforehand.  The litter boxes were relocated to the master bedroom closet upstairs absolutely without incident; the carpet is gone, replaced with a new floor, and at minimal expense; the room is clean and reorganized for use as my headquarters.  This success alone redeems the entire war as waged up to this point.  #2 has also been accomplished, but only because Reagan’s room has been closed off altogether.  #1 has largely been achieved as well, owing to the removal of the carpets in the hall and Jenny’s room.  Which leaves #3.  Can’t win ’em all, I guess.

The Pet Nasty War would, I believe, now be over, except for the major development I did not foresee: the entrance of my mother’s dog on the side of Wilson and the cats.  Now we have a young, energetic dog that my mother owned just long enough that she was able to teach him to pee and poop in the house.  And so the war evolves and continues.  There remains one major initiative that falls under the aegis of the Pet Nasty War, at least in part: reclamation of Reagan’s room and its conversion into a playroom/nursery.  I am scouting out the terrain for the coming campaign this week; it will be called Operation Dollhouse.  Once that is finished, the original aims of the Pet Nasty War will have been achieved.  Except #3.

July 22, 2010

Pet Nasty War – Office Landings Unopposed

Filed under: Pet Nasty War,Pets — lbej @ 13:16
Tags: ,

It had been my intention to focus on the master bedroom today.  It was the Hindenburg Line for last week’s birthday renovations, the great redoubt upon which clothes, toys and furniture might crash without front line operations becoming compromised.  But now that Jenny’s room has been successfully transformed, I’m tripping over a Barbie vanity three times a night for no good reason.  I had been at it no more than five minutes this morning when both cats arrived in rapid succession to blow up the litter box.  I retreated lest I should be felled by the stench, and when I returned thirty minutes later they were sleeping in the piles of clothes I had left on the bed.  It was a masterful coup de main and a clear setback, but it presented an opportunity as well.  If I know where both cats are–I seldom do–then I know also where they are not: they are not trying to get into the office while I am working to empty it.  So I cleared it, all of it, before lunch, leaving only the large bookshelves and the desk.  These pieces of furniture will remain where they are because they are too heavy and cumbersome for me to move.  I can live with that because they have never been moved and thus the space they cover is pristine.  Now the carpet is at my mercy.  I may destroy it now and I may not.

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