Mr. Sensitive

May 31, 2010

Operation Mortal Coil – Stalingrad

Filed under: Operation Mortal Coil — lbej @ 10:16

From the outside the progression of events in the past week would appear to have been disastrous for me.  I pride myself in a commitment to attaque à outrance and yet I have retreated again and again.  For all of my adult life my mother tried to break me and I fought back.  I tried to do my duty to her because it was my duty, not because she wielded guilt effectively against me.  Her mother, my grandmother, succeeded in enslaving her children to her malignant will.  But while my mother was often mean, she wasn’t evil.  She tried to be better than she was and even though she failed, I will honor her for trying.  I will clean up her mess one more time.

I have retreated this week for the same two reasons the Russians fell back in 1941 and 1942: first, I’m strongest in my homeland; and second, there was nothing else I could do.  I had to get out of the Hole because there was no way for me to win there.  It was a place of loss.  Here’s where I win, finally.  Here comes Uranus.

That said, I’ve lost much of the territory I won in the prior four months of Operation Coda, and I admit that I don’t know yet how I’m going to get it back.  But I do know I will get it back.  Territorial losses in Phase One of Operation Mortal Coil:

  • Apple Floor Room: 20% (percentage goes to 100 if you consider it’s been usurped as a dog potty)
  • Master Bedroom: 50%
  • Office/Cat Room: 65%
  • Dining Room: 70%
  • Katie’s Side of the Garage: 98%

KS Garage is the biggest problem.  The spiders will invade and infest the boxes and bags there as soon as they can.  Now that it’s full I must act quickly.  First, I will poison the garage perimeter to forestall aggressive penetration.  Second, I will clean and de-pee the Apple Floor Room so that it can be used by people again.  Third, I will take back my house.  I’m a little short on the details for that last one.

May 30, 2010

Way Too Much

Filed under: Operation Mortal Coil — lbej @ 16:40

It hit me.  But the Hole is clear.  Goodbye Mom.

May 29, 2010

Instrument Of Abdication

Filed under: Imperial Army — lbej @ 09:46

I have been considering this for some time and now have come to my decision.  I am prompted not by any crisis but rather by an earnest and abiding desire to bring the de jure constitutional order of the Empire into concert with the practical reality of I don’t answer the phone, pay bills, or play nice with normal grown-ups.  I am not much for politics.  I don’t suffer fools and I find pleasantries exceedingly unpleasant.  I’m also quite unlikable and I enjoy fighting way too much.  I realized at last that while I reign over the Empire, I do not rule, and I dislike the inherent imbalance of that arrangement.  I am best suited to be a general, not a king.  So here we go:

  • First, my penultimate act as King and Emperor is to invest Katie with the full powers of the throne.  This act makes Katie and I co-regnant.
  • Second, my final act as King and Emperor is to renounce possession of and claim to the throne.  This act makes Empress Katie sole ruler in all my former domains.
  • Thirdly, I accept command of the army, navy, and air forces of the Empire as généralissime.  The Empress has no interest in war.  I retain my maréchal’s baton although further decorations can be bestowed only by the Empress as the font of dignities.

Henceforth, if you wish to complain about something I do, talk to Katie.  She’s the boss.  I just work here.

May 28, 2010

FSX Friday Update

Filed under: FSX — lbej @ 17:48

The Family Stock Index ended the week of 5/24-5/28 up 5.1% to 1028.37, a stellar performance in a flat though volatile U.S. market (SPX +1 point).  There are no guarantees, of course, but I’m out of parents now so a repeat of last week was fairly unlikely.  The FSX is down to 18 components from its original 20 and it may stay there for a little while.


ZERO +27.5% (I thought he was pretty courageous last week, so maybe this is a delayed reaction.)

Jenny (TOOT) +21.4% (She’s got some Steelers Silly Bands coming and she’s pretty darn excited about that.  Plus this dog thing isn’t stressing her nearly as much as it’s stressing me.)

LEE +8.6% (I survived a week in the Hole, at least before today’s sun poisoning.)


RUBO -3% (Moving furniture last night wore me out and I’m 32.  Mario isn’t 32, so the back may be a little sore today.)

KT -5% (She left me alone at Field Day for an hour and half surrounded by normal parents so that she could go to work–on her vacation–and that’s going to come due at some point.  This also might have something to do with the fact that the K in KT Corp stands for Korea, and that ain’t a happy place right now.)

The rest of the numbers:


Name 5/28/10 Change
Charlotte $7.35 $0.15
Dustin $38.32 $1.04
Icarus $0.05 $0.00
Jenny $0.34 $0.06
Justin $43.87 $2.89
Katie $18.61 -$0.98
Lee $3.40 $0.27
Lisa $8.67 $0.11
Lucas $1.67 $0.08
Lulu $40.86 $2.35
Machis $8.22 -$0.25
Marcus $10.95 $0.03
Mario $120.75 $1.00
Marisa $9.98 $0.98
Nicole $29.82 $0.39
Reagan $28.57 $1.43
Wilson $5.88 $0.14
Zero $0.51 $0.11

Never Give Up The High Ground

Filed under: Girls,Stuff I Just Wanted To Say — lbej @ 17:14

I was on a hill in the shade and I descended onto a plain with the sun and the squealing.  Reagan needed support and I gave it.  I feel very ANZAC today.  Also really, really, really burnt.

Field Day

Filed under: Girls — lbej @ 07:15

Can I resist running out in front of the third graders and winning their stupid races?  Would I in fact not lose to the third graders?  Would I in fact not hurt myself?  All will be revealed.

May 27, 2010

Generation Gap

Filed under: Girls — lbej @ 15:20

Me:  What is that?

Jenny:  What is what?

Me:  That sock full of sand you’re trying to bring in the house.

Jenny:  Oh, that.  You know what that is.

Me:  You can’t bring that in the house.

Jenny:  But it’s sand.

Me:  I think this is the future.

Jenny:  What?

Me:  You can’t bring sand in the house.

Jenny:  Can I throw it all over the yard?

Me:  (Shutting the front door.)

Jenny:  (Spinning around and throwing sand all over the yard.)

My Isonzo

Filed under: Girls,House — lbej @ 13:55

Over and over again in the den the children attack and I counterattack.  They spill liquid sugar, I wipe it up.  If they spill it under the table and I don’t catch it for a few days, I scrape it up.  But today wasn’t so bad.  It feels like 6th Isonzo.


Filed under: Stuff I Just Wanted To Say — lbej @ 12:23

Everywhere and at all times, seek control.  What can’t be controlled should be destroyed.

Tout le Monde a la Bataille

Filed under: Operation Mortal Coil — lbej @ 11:58

My strength returns and so I go.  I’m not sorry for what is gone.  I’m so sorry that there’s so much here that means nothing.  I will go until I am stopped.

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