Mr. Sensitive

April 21, 2012

Wonder Woman, Tramp

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 16:28

If anyone can have it, no one’s going to want it.

Every time a hot new bookend comes in the room, she’s on her back with her legs apart.  Every time.

So this is the only time it happened; so what?  Once the bookends think you’re easy, it’s like you can’t even walk down the street without five of them hitting on you.


Schlieffen Cleanse

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 16:19

Katie has a diet plan.  It’s one of those cleanses that white people do, and she’s carrying around this 20-page document to tell her what she’s supposed to eat and when.  I saw her leafing through just now, trying to find her next set of orders, and I told her straight up, “that’s the Schlieffen Plan you’ve got there.  That’s not how wars are won; it’s how they’re lost.  What will you do when the 1st Army gets too far ahead of the 2nd Army in the advance on Paris and you leave a textbook gap for the BEF to punch through?  You’ll lose the war is what.”

I decided to weigh myself this past Tuesday; the numbers were unacceptable.  I will not, however, go on a diet to lose weight, because unlike some people, I took the failures of 1914 to heart.  I said I would eat half as much and exercise for twice as long and if the fat beat me in a fair fight on those terms, I’d rethink my approach.  But I lost six pounds in the first three days, so no rethinking just yet.  You don’t beat the enemy by out-planning him; you beat him by outfighting him.  The Schlieffen Plan failed because it was unrealistically precise; if everything didn’t go just right, it would all go terribly wrong.  And surprise! that’s what happened.  In the East, the Germans took the approach of, ‘there’s the Russian Army; let’s whup it.”  Of course it was more complicated than that, but not a lot more.  It just goes to show you that while nothing else is like war, war is like everything else.

Next Halloween It Goes Down

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 14:06

Usually I just wear a cape.  But I am a child of the 1970s, after all, and I can totally pull this off.  I would have to watch out for Spider-Man, for real, because he can apparently fly now, and also appear from out of nowhere.

Children vs. Helpful

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 12:29

It’s bulk pickup time again, and this year 16-month-old Brinky can be much more unhelpful than four-month-old Brinky could dream of being.  My question: how long before Brinky’s unhelpfulness is underpassed by Reagan’s already-formidable unhelpfulness?  Jenny is already more help than hindrance–when properly motivated–but the other two are constantly clambering up the sides a pit of unhelpfulness, fighting to see who can not get out last.  It will be years before we’ll know the winner.  Either way, I lose.

April 20, 2012

Breaking News From the 1960s

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 21:35

Did you know that Keith Moon died of an accidental drug overloose?  That’s what Jenny says.

FSX Friday Update

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 17:13

It’s come to this: a breaking news bulletin on CNBC, like you’d expect if there was an earthquake or the Pope died, that just says ‘Apple stock falls below $600;’ then, 15 minutes later, with equal urgency, ‘Apple stock back above $600.’  I have never experienced a single-stock market like this one.  So what? you say; you’re 34 years old.  That’s true; thirty-four years doesn’t allow for a tremendous amount of market experience.  What it does allow for is a tremendous amount of market research, and let me tell you that this is absolutely the most the U.S. stock market has ever been dominated by a single stock—ever.  We got these kind of trading news bulletins—when, instead of trading on the news, trading is the news—during and right after the 2000 tech stock bubble, but there were many individual names getting lots of attention: MSFT, INTC, CSCO, EMC, LU, JDSU, and YHOO, just to name a few (and who could forget ENE and WCOM?).  We got similar bulletins in late 2008 and early 2009—all bad—related to the housing finance debacle then unfolding, but again, no one single stock eclipsed all the others; AIG, BSC, C, BAC, GM, MS, MER, and LEH each spent time in the spotlight.  Not this time.  The Street doesn’t care about a sector, or even the economy as a whole, as much as it cares about AAPL.  This is nuts, and I’ll be the first to say I don’t know how it will end.  I do know it will end, though; that’s market lesson number two in my book: nothing lasts forever.

(Lesson number one is buy low and sell high, if you were wondering.  And if you think that one’s a no-brainer, you’d be surprised.  No novice trader thinks he’ll want to ever want to sell when prices are at their lowest or buy when they’re at their highest, so it really surprises him when he realizes, ten years in, that he repeatedly does exactly that.)

This week smelled bad from the beginning, and I’m not just saying that because I still can’t get the scent of cat-ass out of my office/former litter-room.  Lucas broke decisively through $2 to the downside (always bearish for the FSX) and I don’t feel any better about our ever-deepening reliance on Justin (+178% YTD) and Reagan (+128%) than I feel about the broader market’s AAPL obsession.  The whole week carried with it an unmistakably bearish funk.  But here we are, after the close on Friday, and somehow we’re sitting at 13,403, up 0.9% for the week and back to unch for Q2.  If you didn’t know better, you might think I’m looking too far afield to find what stinks.  But if you do know, you know I use Old Spice Showtime body spray, and the problem really is the unconquerable cat-ass.


  • Justin (WOLF) +8.5%.  Two more bids this week.  Yawn.
  • Jenny (JNY +5.7%) and Reagan (REGN +3.1%).  Another straight-As report card for Jenny and more 4s than 3s for Reagan (no one has ever been more ready for letter grades than Ray Gun—coming next year).  The market likes Jenny a little more this week because it was concerned that endlessly re-reading Twilight and Hunger Games would make her dumber.  I’m not convinced that isn’t the case, but reality TV (which we generally avoid) is making the rest of the world even dumber, even faster.  Still, you can only sell investors on relative outperformance for a while; eventually, Jenny’s going to have to at least try and read something else.
  • Katie (CATY) +4.3%.  Got to spend an hour-plus learning about politics from this dude:

Need I say more?

  • Wilson (WILC) +3.6%.  Still not dead.  It definitely smells like something died in his mouth, though.
  • Zero (ZIP) +3.3%.  Come on, man; don’t make Charlotte carry everything.  I know she’s stronger than she looks, but so is toilet paper.  Would you ask one of those Charmin bears to move all the boxes and furniture while you kick back with some tunes?  Well, if you try that, and it works, I want to borrow the bear when you’re done.
  • Lisa (LNCE) +2.9%.  Maybe the Lisa-for-Le Bon deal isn’t dead yet.
  • Mario the Elder (MGEE) +2.2%.  One step closer to finding the one house he can spend the rest of his life in.  You will note, though, that I can’t begin to guess how many more steps are still left after this one.
  • Nicole B. (NI) +2%.  Nicole commented here two times this week, and she’s up two percent.  Coincidence?  I don’t believe in coincidence.


  • Nicole L. (COL) -2.5%.  COL released earnings this week and while the numbers were decent, the management guidance was a big whiff.  The lesson here: don’t undersell or you’ll just be punished preemptively.  If this June’s bash is, in fact, certain to be the most spectacular wedding since the royal nuptials last year, you should just say so.
  • Zondro (ZQK) -3.5%.  No, you can’t eat that.  Now shut your yap before I snap it off.
  • Charlotte (ICE) -3.5%.  Seriously, bro.  You know that bear’s just going spend all day in the bathroom, again.  Look at him:

If you don’t help Charlotte, she’s going to drop something, maybe mess up one of the twenty pictures of herself she decorates with.  And you know 19 pictures of Charlotte won’t be enough.

  • Lucas (LEI) -15%.  As I said before, $2 is an important level historically, and I don’t like to see it breached.  I asked Katie what might be dragging Lucas down and she didn’t know, but eavesdropping, speed-talking Jenny reeled off a long list of things Lucas has told her about.  Then she said, oh wait, don’t put any of that in the update.  I had to admit that I didn’t understand a word she said, so Lucas’ secrets are safe.  LEI investors, not so much.


Name Ticker 4/20/2012 Change
Brinkley BCO $22.19 -0.08
Charlotte ICE $128.39 -4.66
Dustin DST $54.64 +0.73
Icarus FLOW $3.98 +0.03
Jenny JNY $13.00 +0.70
Jodi Ann JOY $74.09 -0.60
Justin WOLF $8.06 +0.63
Katie CATY $17.52 +0.73
Lee MSTR $145.20 -1.90
Lisa LNCE $25.85 +0.73
Lucas LEI $1.87 -0.34
Lulu LULU $73.70 +0.19
Marcus MCS $12.63 +0.07
Mario T.E. MGEE $44.73 +0.95
Mario T.Y. SUP $18.45 -0.02
Marisa MOLX $27.00 +0.12
Namilita NL $14.04 +0.18
Nicole B. NI $24.41 +0.49
Nicole L. COL $55.56 -1.44
Reagan REGN $126.38 +3.78
Ruby RJET $5.01 +0.14
Wilson WILC $4.66 +0.16
Winston ED $58.61 +0.86
Zero ZIP $13.61 +0.43
Zondro ZQK $3.55 -0.13

Chicks Are Barbarians Too

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 09:14

This is so sexist even I’m offended.  And I usually love sexism.

The chick in the Jabba’s-Sail-Barge-Leia outfit could do something, if Kull wasn’t such a macho pig about asking.  She could whip that thing in the eye with one of her little chains or smack it with a boob.  How would that be any worse that this piece of swordsmanship from the Barbarian King?

Is he trying to kill it, or just trim its eyebrows?

And even if we ignore the chick, what about the other dude?  The one, um, fighting the flying hell-thing?

So maybe he’s not a good example.  It looks like he’s more of a lover than a fighter.

Where Is Anything

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 08:59

I defy you to understand where anything on this cover is happening.  Start with the ship.  Now, how big is that Kraken?  How big is that babe in the metal bra?  How long is that tentacle?  Where is anyone in relation to anyone else?  Are they underwater?

You see–now your mind is completely blown.

To be fair, if this is a world beyond time, it’s probably also a world beyond space.  Maybe Justin can ask a scientist to explain it.  Start with how Kull’s hand is bigger than his head.

You Say That Like It’s A Good Thing

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 08:41

This cover is the reason visual art is necessary–there are no words for what is happening.  I could write a book about the cover of Kull the Destroyer #16.  The first chapter would just be about his toes.

April 19, 2012

CNBC Hates Obama III

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 18:53

So here’s the headline on tonight:

NBC/WSJ Poll: Signs Point to ‘Very, Very Close Campaign’

Those signs being, I guess, tea leaves.  The actual article, in which it might be more problematic to just make stuff up, it notes that Obama still leads Romney 49 percent to 43 percent.  It then says that this lead is statistically insignificant because it’s within the poll’s +/- 3.1% margin of error.  The only problem with that is that PLUS SIX PERCENT IS NOT WITHIN PLUS OR MINUS 3.1 PERCENT and so IT’S A LIE.

Fantastic stuff, John Harwood of CNBC.  Really top-notch.

What makes the headline even more incomprehensible is that Harwood trumpets the new poll as showing that Romney is now up to 70% approval among Republican primary voters, up from 58% before Santorum dropped out.  That means 30% of his own party still doesn’t want him, even though they now have no other real option.  How does that promise a close general election?

The poll gives Obama a 49% approval rating.  Not great, right?  Good thing for him that he’s going to have Romney as an opponent, because the poll shows that only 18% of voters find Romney likable (compared to 54% for Obama).  Remember when that was the big thing W. had going for him?  Republican pollsters couldn’t point that out often enough.  Now their man is pulling 18 percent on likeability.

CNBC is the worst sometimes.  Too bad they have most watchable stock ticker on TV.

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