Mr. Sensitive

January 31, 2012

So Who’s Changing Her Name?

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 12:00

Justin, Marcus and Mario are marrying ladies this year, cruelly forcing me to travel, and I got to thinking about whether the ladies in question would be changing their names.  Why is it my business?  Because there are FSX stock-selection implications is why.  I don’t remember how Katie and I made the name change decision (and I do think it should be a decision that the couple makes together).  We didn’t decide, is I think how we decided.  Katie didn’t have a compelling reason not to take my name, so she did.  I remember that my mother said something to her after we got engaged about how she’d be Katie Machi Eure, and when Katie said she was keeping her middle name, Anne, Mom looked at her like Katie was personally setting women back a thousand years.  Sigh.  I’m not sure how I’d have reacted if Katie had wanted to keep her maiden name.  It certainly wouldn’t have been a deal-breaker, but I wouldn’t have been happy about it, either.  (If you were wondering, I’d have put my foot down if she’d wanted hyphenation—I wouldn’t give permission for my name to be debased in that way.)  If we hadn’t been so young (she was 21), or if there was some legitimate professional brand value attached to her name, that would have been a different story.  What I would not have wanted her to do is take my name and then resent Jenny, Reagan and Brinkley because she did.  Not that anyone would do that.

Many times my mother told me that she took my father’s last name because they planned to have children, and it would be difficult for the children if their parents had different last names.  She was also against hyphenated last names; I agree with her on that one—just pick one, gutless.  The only thing worse than a hyphenated last name is a hyphenated first name; even Kelly Kapowski managed to figure that out.  Over the years the story of how Mom was forced at gunpoint by her unborn children to take her husband’s last name became more pointed.  She would tell the story and I would reply with something along the lines of, “that makes sense” or “okay.”  Obviously, the correct response was, “I’m sorry you had to sacrifice your heritage and a part of your immortal soul for me and my siblings, thus saving us from lifetimes of confusion and/or hyphenation.”  Of course, I’m a man and thus I don’t know anything about anything.  No one ever expected me to give up my last name and blah blah blah.  No one can understand my mother’s suffering, except another pampered socialite.  Certainly not the millions of immigrants who got surprise new last names at Ellis Island because a clerk wrote their names wrong.  Certainly not all the entertainers—male and female—who changed their names because the ones they were born with were too ethnic and thus not as marketable.  Those people could never understand, because they weren’t forced to do it by unfertilized eggs.

Justin has talked about he and Nicole both changing their last name to Wolf.  That would, of course, be ridiculous.  It would save me a trip to Virginia Beach to attend the Wolf wedding, since I don’t know anyone by that name.  It would also be fun to watch him try and explain it to payroll at his work.  I’d like to request a copy of the security camera tape from that day in advance.

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6 Comments »

  1. I think Nicole and I are settled on Eure. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be named Wolf. But just that. No first name or anything to muddy it up.
    Her sisters took their husbands name, so they already shed the Becker. But all three of my siblings have the Eure keeping it real. And Zero even manned up. I’m not okay having a different last name than my siblings, as it turns out. Not without an incredible reason, at least. Like becoming a professional wrestler that wears a wolf pelt.

    I never knew that Mom thought changing her name was some great sacrifice. Curious, since she changed it a second time without the justification of saving her children from confusion.

    Comment by Justin — January 31, 2012 @ 17:05 | Reply

    • Ah, but then she moved to North Carolina and pretended like her last name was still Eure. Good times.

      Comment by lbej — January 31, 2012 @ 17:14 | Reply

    • You should change your name to Justin Direwolf. Or Justin Snow. Or Snow-wolf Direwolf.

      Just kidding. You should change your name to Justin Bron Mac Fionn, or Justin Mamu. Or just Passer.

      Comment by Marcus — January 31, 2012 @ 17:22 | Reply

      • You did it. Passer. (I mean Nexus Crawler.) (I mean Fomori Dock Worker.)

        Comment by Justin — January 31, 2012 @ 20:04

  2. Well, Mom was very thoughtful all the time. She thought things through almost too much.

    Jodi Ann is taking the Eure name. And she’ll drop her last name, so she’ll be Jodi Ann Eure. I never really cared about this stuff before, but I do care now. Something about a she-devil not taking the Eure name? It’s all so hazy, my past.

    Comment by Marcus — January 31, 2012 @ 17:19 | Reply

  3. Also, don’t worry about me screwing up the italics in that reply. I know what I’m doing, and I’m doing it all wrong. It’s how I honor Mom in this post.

    Comment by Marcus — January 31, 2012 @ 17:21 | Reply


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