Mr. Sensitive

August 31, 2011

Spider Surge 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 13:36

We have reached the point in the year when the Yard Dominion of the Spiders is at or near the peak of its troop strength.  If they plan a breakthrough by means of Tukhachevsky’s deep operations doctrine—force concentration and penetration in depth—now is the time.  They are still probing my defenses and my deliberate disregard of repeated provocations is no doubt causing the high command to fret and delay.  They have sent in several scouts of a variety I call crack-f***ers, given their tendency to wedge themselves into the crevices and stress cracks in the wall-to-ceiling joints of my bathroom.  The popcorn ceiling in the bathroom has started to flake after 11-plus years of being coated with shower steam, and the crack-f***ers love that too.  What they don’t love is a facefull of mold remover spray.  Yet there are fewer scouts than last year, and those have been smaller and lighter in hue.  The darker, armored, and painted shock troops of the Dominion have yet to cross the border of their realm.  They aren’t encroaching on the lower levels, either.  The girls are often in the Apple Floor Room—the meeting hall for their Earth Buddies club—and they have reported few encounters.  I realize that we are not yet at the seasonal peak, likely still four to six weeks away.  A major offensive might yet be undertaken.  And they have done something interesting in the backyard.  As I have mentioned in passing, the Mowing Man has supposedly been “unable” to mow the backyard for more than four weeks now because his “push mower” is “broken” and he’s waiting for the “repairs” to be completed.  Meanwhile the grass is nearly a foot high in several places.  Large troop movements would be almost impossible for me to observe in the dense overgrowth, and the Dominion could conceivably position entire divisions within a few feet of the border without being detected.  I suspect either they have sabotaged Mowing Man’s equipment, or they’ve turned him somehow.  No matter.  I am well armed and I have a plan of retreat and redeployment of which they know nothing, if for no other reason than that I just thought of it now.  Let them come for me whenever they are ready to die.

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