Mr. Sensitive

August 5, 2011

FSX Friday Update

Filed under: Uncategorized — lbej @ 17:38

I don’t even want to bust on the market this week because it hurts my feelings how right I am about everything all the time.  Bernanke is my bitch right now.  Nevertheless, I had a terrible week personally and I really don’t want to talk about exactly what went wrong, except to say that for the first time in years, screw-ups were authored by someone other than me.  I’ve never felt closer to Apple than I do right now—it just can’t sell any more i-crap than it’s already selling, but this week, it doesn’t matter.  The headline numbers are breathtaking: Dow down 5.8%, S&P 500 down 7.2%, and Nasdaq down 8.1%.  At one point earlier today the numbers were even worse, with the Dow closing in on 11,000.  As for the Family Stock Index, oh man.  In the middle of the day today we were down a bananas 180 points for the week, which works out to a decline of 14.5%.  We rebounded about three percent—great for an entire month under normal circumstances—to close down just 11.6% to 1096.48.  Of course every technical support level of significance was annihilated.  What does it mean?  It means we’re in trouble is what it means.  But already I’m remembering why I wasn’t going to handle the update this week, so enough of that.  I’m going to stand aside this evening and let Mario the Younger take a crack at the meat of the update.

By way of explanation, briefly, every stock in the FSX was negative for the week, so there are no winners, only less losery losers.  Instead of the usual format—advancers vs. decliners—I’m going to rank the members of the FSX from least bad to worst, and leave it to Mario to explain the action in each name.  I am not editing his opinions, but I do feel compelled to offer one clarification:  I do not simply hate my cats—I hate and love my cats, as I hate and love myself.  Now I yield the floor to young Mario.

I don’t understand this debt ceiling deal. I understand the idea of it, but I don’t understand why both the Republicans and the Democrats agreed to a plan that they both seem to hate. I don’t exactly consider that compromise. Also, is it such a bad thing to raise the debt ceiling? I read somewhere last week that Ronald Reagan (Lee, feel free to chime in here) raised it something like 18 times during his presidency. And why don’t we want to tax the rich even more? Seems like higher taxes for the rich worked out okay for my favorite president ever, William Jefferson Clinton.

Lee chimes in: You know, President Reagan raised taxes, too.  So did George I.  The only one who didn’t was George II and he’s now widely regarded by me and you as the worst president ever.    Hooray taxes!  The only reason George II was reelected in 2004 is because we intercepted intelligence that Osama bin Laden was definitely going to drop a nega-bomb on your house, whoever you are, if you voted for John Kerry.

Mario replies:  And because John Kerry lied about his Purple Heart tour of duty! Swift Boat Veterans for life!

Lee continues: That Purple Heart stuff was clearly bullshit.  The army doesn’t give awards to trees.  Dogs, sure, and sometimes pigeons, but not actual pieces of wood.  The Swift Boat dudes were just pointing out the obvious.

Back to Mario:

Anyways, enough about the boring real-life stuff that Lee writes about in the opening paragraph each week. On to the juicy stuff. I just decided to write about everyone this week.

  1. Nicole B. (NI) -2.9%.  Well we are all losers this week. But Nicole B. is the best loser of all. With her stock performing the best and Justin’s the worst this week, I’m wondering if Nicole B. was the driving force behind the decision to remain in Chicago a little while longer. We definitely know who wears the pants in that relationship.
  2. Dustin (DST) -6.4%.  Dustin is probably down because he has a job where has to leave the house now. No more of this working from home all the time stuff. I’d expect him to go back up next week, though, because he’s going to the beach for a week and he’s going to play a round of golf at Harbour Town Golf Links.
  3. Lisa (LSI) -7.7%.  The trip to Baltimore for the Steely Dan show was a huge boon for Lisa this week. That, and not having to spend the 88 cents per week that it must cost to feed Lucas PB&J and whatever else he refuses to eat.
  4. Nicole L. (COL) -7.8%.  While I went to all three Pirates-Phillies games last weekend, Nicole was only coerced into going to one of them. Otherwise she hung out with her sister one night and went out for brunch with her friends during the other game. That’s a win for her.
  5. Wilson (WILC) -7.9%.  He has to be thrilled that the house is half-empty this week. All Wilson wants to do all day is lay around and sleep, and without two screaming girls running around on their summer break, there’s more time for him to do that.
  6. Marcus (MCS) -8.1%.  Summer break, maybe? What does Marcus do in the summers? I have no idea. Probably reads comics and plays video games? Sounds like a winning week to me.
  7. Mario T.Y. (SUP) -8.7%.  We’re starting to firm up wedding plans, which obviously explains the downward trend of my stock. But I’m in control of the music, which explains why it didn’t fall as far as it could have. And the NFL Lockout is officially over. And college football is back in one month. All in all, not a bad week.
  8. Katie (CATY) -9.1%.   Judging by her tweets, Katie spends all of her time on parenting web sites entering contests to win things I’ve never heard of in my life. Maybe she won one of them this week?
  9. Winston (HWD) -9.3%.   When Lucas was at our house, he played with Winston constantly. So Winston had a pretty good week of exercise because normally I toss him a tennis ball two or three times and get tired of it. But Lucas inexplicably could do this for 30 minutes straight. It was great, at least for Winston. Maybe not for Lucas, judging by his stock price this week.
  10. Icarus (FLOW) -9.7%.  I look at his stock symbol (FLOW) and it just reminds me of those car dealerships in Winston-Salem where Dad has bought a couple of cars in his lifetime. I always thought it was a dumb name for a car dealership. Flow Motors? Just makes me think that oil and gas and other stuff that’s not supposed to flow out of your car would do that if you bought a car from there, and then the car would probably catch on fire.
  11. Charlotte (ICE) -10.7%.  I’m surprised Charlotte fell this much this week, mainly because she controls one of my favorite Twitter feeds, @ZeroSaidThis. She just occasionally posts funny things that Zero says, including a gem from this week – “That’s what old people do. They burn their secret life away.”
  12. LULU -11.5%.   I don’t know which cat is which. I think Lee hates both of them though. Maybe Lulu’s stock is here this week because she didn’t bring a bird into the house? Or is that Marisa?
  13. Reagan (REGN) -11.8%.  While the rest of the Hilton Head crew this week is down more than Reagan, at least she has agreed to talk to her mother on the phone a few times, unlike Jenny. The market understands and rewards the child’s loyalty to the parent.
  14. Jenny (LEN) -12.8%.  Rumors of a new bike from a fancy bike shop had the stock looking up early in the week, but with recent revelations of a WalMart or Target bike purchase appearing imminent, Jenny has fallen heavily this week. Also, she’s apparently been told she needs to eat healthy. That’s not an earnings report that a 10-year old wants to hear.
  15. Brinkley (BCO) -13.6%.  Apparently this sleep training this isn’t going as smoothly as Katie makes it sound in our daily phone calls. Maybe things are fine while Katie’s home and Brinkley is being a good chubby baby, but when Operation Simba starts each morning as Katie heads off to work, he’s just being terrible again.
  16. Mario T.E. (PBY) -14%.  It’s been a tough week, being the lone grandparent taking care of the three kids. But who are we kidding? He loves it. I think the reason for his price drop this week is solely due to the fact that the only adult interaction he’s had since Monday are phone calls to Katie and I. That and the fact that probably every meal he’s had this week has been at a fast food restaurant.
  17. Marisa (MOLX) -14.1%.  See Lulu.
  18. Lucas (LEI) -14.5%.  Maybe if Grandpa can help Lucas add those promised 10 pounds to his slender frame while in Hilton Head, then Lucas will rise in the market. But for now the market is fighting back against him, as his Uncle Mario purchased cereal, tomato soup, orange juice and various snacks, none of which were consumed at all during Lucas’s trip to Philadelphia. The market doesn’t forget.
  19. Ruby (RBY) -14.8%.  You’d think her stock would have gone up this week since she avoided having to run around after the grandkids all week. If Ruby would have been in Hilton Head since Monday, I have no doubt she’d have the worst stock performance of the week.
  20. Zondro (ZQK) -14.8%.  Clearly Zondro misses Jenny and Reagan. He has no one to play with and I’m sure he’d gotten adjusted to fun summer days outside in the back yard with the girls.
  21. Lee (MSTR LEE) -15.1%.  The market just doesn’t appreciate Mr. Lee. Doesn’t anyone (other than Katie and I) know how good a song that was? I just went on to Google “Mr. Lee” to find a fun fact about the song, and I came across some great revelations. Did you know Mr. Lee is a Chinese restaurant chain? It was formerly called “California Beef Noodle King U.S.A.”. I think Lee should change his name to that – California Beef Noodle King U.S.A. Eure. That has a great ring to it.
  22. Zero (FRZ) -17.7%.  Surprising to see Zero this low after I heard that he was getting a promotion at work. Maybe the market isn’t a fan of the Siblings (that’s what I call ZeroCharlotteJustinNicole) staying in Chicago. Maybe the market wants Zero to move to Hollywood and become a superstar. After all, who can forget his role in Pippa Lee: http://www.hotflick.net/pictures/009LOP_Dan_DeLuca_002.html
  23. Justin (WOLF) -19.3%.  Maybe this journalism thing isn’t worth it. I still want Justin to be an actor. I tried the journalism thing for a little while. In addition to not paying anything at all, it was just really hard to get a job. Journalists don’t get Oscars, Justin. You wouldn’t know Luke Cafferty if you were a journalist (unless you were a TV critic who got a chance to interview the stars of the best TV show ever, Friday Night Lights). Go back to acting, please. That’s not just me talking. The market agrees.
Name Ticker 8/5/2011 Change
Brinkley BCO $25.78 -4.06
Charlotte ICE $110.16 -13.14
Dustin DST $47.89 -3.30
Icarus FLOW $3.08 -0.33
Jenny LEN $15.43 -2.26
Justin WOLF $2.81 -0.67
Katie CATY $12.60 -1.26
Lee MSTR $128.40 -30.97
Lee LEE $0.81 -0.10
Lisa LSI $6.79 -0.57
Lucas LEI $2.30 -0.39
Lulu LULU $53.57 -6.97
Marcus MCS $8.90 -0.78
Mario T.E. PBY $9.25 -1.50
Mario T.Y. SUP $18.47 -1.77
Marisa MOLX $20.18 -3.30
Nicole B. NI $19.55 -0.58
Nicole L. COL $50.79 -4.30
Reagan REGN $46.81 -6.25
Ruby RBY $3.58 -0.62
Wilson WILC $5.97 -0.51
Winston HWD $14.12 -1.45
Zero FRZ $2.46 -0.53
Zondro ZQK $4.48 -0.78
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8 Comments »

  1. Oh, come on! I wrote something about everyone and no one has any comments?!?

    Comment by Mario — August 6, 2011 @ 08:36 | Reply

    • Welcome to my life.

      Comment by lbej — August 6, 2011 @ 08:40 | Reply

  2. Great job on the update, brother!

    Comment by Katie — August 7, 2011 @ 12:59 | Reply

  3. I’m pretty sure Mr. Lee was on a cassette tape of mine and that I still know the words. -Dustin

    Comment by Lisa Lamb Machi — August 7, 2011 @ 20:38 | Reply

  4. Very thorough update Mario… good job!
    And, thanks for hosting my boy in Philly… glad Winston enjoyed his Lucas time 😉

    Comment by Lisa Lamb Machi — August 8, 2011 @ 07:32 | Reply

  5. I just returned from my latest trip…I thought your comments were great, Mario. Lee, I don’t usually comment on the FSX Update because I generally do not understand the market, so it’s all junk to me. BTW, I love the song Mr. Lee…must run in the family!

    Comment by Ruby Machi — August 8, 2011 @ 09:57 | Reply

  6. ZeroSaidThis is one of the greatest things I’ve ever done, for sure.

    Comment by Charlotte — August 10, 2011 @ 14:29 | Reply


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