Mr. Sensitive

August 12, 2010

Biological Warfare

Filed under: Me Myself and I — lbej @ 13:17
Tags: ,

Blood test results have today indicated that I have mononucleosis.  I will not call it ‘mono,’ which is the opposite of stereo or an illness that teenagers get.  This development I did not expect.  I don’t go anywhere or see anyone, and so the contagion must have been introduced into my environs through the machinations of my enemies.  I had imposed a limited quarantine of myself as soon as I knew something was wrong but before I knew what it was, meaning that I asked that the huggy people I live with to stop hugging me.  Reagan is convinced that I’m going to die because I’m sick and has thus been even huggier than usual, but I’m having none of it.  I don’t want my children to be sick for any reason, and certainly not on my account.   Upon learning of my diagnosis and undertaking further research, however, I have found that children often carry this particular virus without suffering any symptoms whatsoever.  So not only might they have contracted it from me already, but I might have contracted it from one of them.  In fact I would say that the latter is more likely than the former.  In recent weeks they have been to sleepovers, and play dates, and concerts, and I have been…here.  Reagan in particular is notorious for taking sips of my Cheerwine, some authorized and others not.  Thus the agents of contagion stand revealed.  The agents of contagion who are now at Brittan’s house.  Whoops.  At least Brittan’s pool is chlorinated, unless it isn’t.

Interestingly, I haven’t felt as fatigued as I would have expected.  I’ve had a nasty headache for ten days so I’m not up for much that involves moving my head, and I feel a little like a crab in a pot what with running a fever for so long, but I’m not incredibly tired.  I don’t know if that’s good or bad.  Perhaps it means my native energy is so abundant that it can be greatly depleted without apparent effect, much like the Russian army.  Or perhaps I had so little native energy to begin with that I don’t notice the rest of it being gone.  I suppose in that case I will keep running on obstinance and arrogance as I have been.  August 25 remains the date for Plan Vier in either event.



  1. I do kind of assume that it had to have come from one of the girls. I thought maybe you’d have a new name for some kind of operation to get rid of it, but I guess there’s really not anything you can do.

    Comment by Katie — August 12, 2010 @ 13:34 | Reply

    • Operation Rest & Fluids? Operation Everlasting Ouch? Not very inspiring.

      Comment by lbej — August 12, 2010 @ 15:19 | Reply

      • Maybe Operation Rest & Fluids (both of which are a good idea for you – just saying), but something cooler for the R&F. I can’t think of what that would be, but maybe?

        Comment by Katie — August 12, 2010 @ 15:57

  2. Oh dang. Take care, brother! Get some yummy Vitamin C. I always think that’s helpful in any sick situation.

    Comment by Sis — August 12, 2010 @ 17:11 | Reply

    • You and Linus Pauling.

      Comment by lbej — August 12, 2010 @ 17:14 | Reply

  3. Maybe you have a Stamina 7 like Wonder Man, so it’s self-generating.

    Comment by Marcus — August 12, 2010 @ 18:27 | Reply

    • If I can just get Tony Stark to nuke the Hulk and then position myself so as to absorb some Hulk bits, I should be set.

      Comment by lbej — August 12, 2010 @ 19:46 | Reply

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