Mr. Sensitive

August 7, 2010

Kona #5

Filed under: Comic Books — lbej @ 09:38
Tags: ,

Notice that Kona isn’t fighting a giant lion or a tiger, or even a panther.  What he’s up against here

is a giant house cat.  Implausible, perhaps.  But there’s a lot here that makes sense–too much sense.  Notice that the sand appears to be on fire where the cat is attacking the people.  I wasn’t there when this happened, but I suspect that maybe there was some kind of party, and some kind of shenanigans occurred, and the cat’s litter box/entire beach was set alight by the revelers.  If you were a giant cat, and a bunch of drunkards set your toilet on fire and danced around it, wouldn’t you do exactly what the cat is doing here?  Wouldn’t you eat them?  It rings true to me.  Is this the sort of scenario someone could have just made up?  I’m going to investigate further, but I suspect Kona himself to be at fault, because look at him!  He couldn’t even think to put his pants back on.  If there were shenanigans, he was up to his loincloth in them.

Two things always happen when some rich young white dude ends up in the jungle (Tarzan, Ka-zar, Kona, etc.): first, he takes off his clothes, and second, he abandons the technological advantages of his native civilization in favor of whatever the natives are using–bows, spears, knives, that sort of thing–seemingly just to prove a point.  I will learn to be like the simple people of this unspoiled land, he thinks to himself, or possibly says in an expository speech of some sort.  So this pampered loser who can’t even not fall out of a plane (Plane Rule #1, I think) would struggle, right?  He would be the worst jungle dude ever.  Only somehow, he’s not.  Somehow he does everything the natives do better than any of them can do it.  He becomes the lord of the jungle, or the savage land, or monster isle, or whatever.  And how is that?  Because he’s white is how.  That’s the lesson of all these stories, most of them from the period of time in the late eighteenth and early nineteenth centuries when the people of the West started to worry about how fat and soft they were becoming with their machines and their instruments.  Hey, Lord Poofershire thinks whilst having tea one afternoon, it is really nice being white, but I wonder how I would fare if I didn’t have all this technology.  So along comes Kona with this message: don’t worry, white person, because if you ever get dropped in the jungle you will definitely end up becoming lord of said jungle, and you certainly won’t be eaten immediately by a giant house cat.  You won’t even have to wear pants, which you know you hate.  And if you’re a woman, you won’t be able to do anything for yourself, naturally, but surely there will be a white lord of the jungle already in place who can save you.  Or maybe a gorilla, which is not disturbing at all.  No worries, have some more pastry.

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2 Comments »

  1. Can I share this on google buzz? It’s hilarious.

    Comment by Sis — August 7, 2010 @ 12:07 | Reply

    • I reckon you can.

      Comment by lbej — August 7, 2010 @ 13:30 | Reply


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