Mr. Sensitive

July 9, 2010

Pet Nasty War – Cat Cocktails

Filed under: House,Pets — lbej @ 09:11
Tags: , ,

Again this morning I find myself out of action due to a significant nosebleed.  The cats are doing this to me by furring up my bed.  It is the dander equivalent of the Finns lobbing Molotov cocktails at Soviet tanks.   Now I shall have to find a countermeasure to stop the furring or at the very least lessen the deleterious effects on my fighting strength.  I see this tactical tit-for-tat as what it is, namely an attempt by the weaker power to deprive the stronger power of the strategic initiative.  One need look no further than the U.S. wars in Iraq and Afghanistan to see this principle applied: the most conventionally powerful military in history is locked in a cycle of explosives vs. armor oneupmanship with disorganized goat herders.   My military resources are so far superior to those of my enemy that I can sweep her from the battlefield with little more than programmatic application of those resources.  However, she has realized that I need time and space to strike a clean blow and she can deprive me of those things by pestering and harrying my movements.  If I am staging a massed attack such as I must in order to effect significant change in the house (painting walls, removing/laying floors, shifting furniture) I need blocks of time.  A delay from 8:00 to 9:00 can make a difference.

They are on the bed right now, both of them.  Lulu must have persuaded Marisa to support her furring initiative.  I moved the litter box to the closet in the master bedroom, expecting that they would resist, and I was unprepared for acceptance.  You want us in this room? they said.  Then into this room we shall go.  Again I see a parallel to the U.S. invasion of Iraq.  Saddam’s army would fight or they would surrender, the American planners believed.  In the former event we would annihilate them, and in the latter we would disarm them and dictate the terms of their social and political reintegration, as we did with our vanquished foes after World War II.  Instead, the Iraqis didn’t fight or surrender.  The soldiers kept their weapons and went home, spontaneously dissolving the army and creating the conditions for tribal civil war.  So the U.S. had to set the bed on fire in order to win.

Wait, that’s not right.

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