Mr. Sensitive

June 25, 2010

Operation Mortal Coil – Exvasion

Filed under: Operation Mortal Coil — lbej @ 09:31

The organizational element of phase two of OMC was substantively completed last weekend as anticipated.  In the days that have followed I have focused on staging and repositioning.  Now is the time to set in motion the next element of the plan–exvasion, a reversal of invasion which sends the enemy to someplace other than that from which he originated.

I allowed the Empire to be invaded on a massive scale over the past five weeks, yielding steadily more and more ground to the armies of failure unleashed by my mother at her end.  At the peak in early June the Empire had suffered as much as a 35% reduction in usable and navigable space, with some rooms cluttered but others altogether overrun.  The straightforward approach would have been to simply destroy the enemy army once I had it pocketed.  But as I have stated before, victory is not my aim.  The end of my mother’s life was dominated by failure.  While she was alive and borne on that black swell there was little any of us could do if we wanted to save ourselves from drowning.  But there will be no more waves now.  The last three weeks I have given over to picking through the wreck of her death and differentiating between the good and the bad, something that the awful momentum of the last years of her life made impossible.  But this is the kind of work I hate: slow, meticulous, and for me, deeply unsettling and unsatisfying.   I prefer great, measurable advances and reversals even if the net progress is the same.  I’m not patient by nature and I have had to master myself to keep from burning it all.  Maybe I did burn a little bit, but just as a pick-me-up.  Surely I can’t be begrudged so little as that?

But now it is done.  The memories are in their place.  Ten big black bags at least have gone to the trash and more await this morning’s collection.  And the next two days will see the exvasion of much of what remains of the Army of Maternal Failure.  Tomorrow morning is our annual Imperial yard sale; the die is cast in that regard because we already paid for the ad in the newspaper.  After that is done, we will make targeted charitable donations.  The Saturday operations have been conceived and will be directed by the Empress herself; I will provide logistical support when called upon but no more, and so I have no further details to share.  Today, however, belongs to me.  The Empress decreed that she wanted her Saturday operations run out of the basement, and while I was initially taken aback by this order, I have come around a bit.  For the past month I have endeavored to minimize the use of the basement in Operation Mortal Coil because it is so vulnerable to invasion by the spiders of the yard.  Filling it with infestible clothes seemed the height of folly.  But to do it at the last moment, to mount a spectacular Napoleonic manoeuvre sur les derrières against my great enemy, the spiders?  Oh yes, that I can do.  For once, it is they who shall be horrified.  So today it will be a forced march on a gouty foot so that I can fall upon the rear of the enemy with irresistible speed and strength.  I’m calling it Operation Whoomp! There It Is.  But that’s a secret name so mum’s the word.



  1. You’re so cool.

    Comment by Charlotte — June 25, 2010 @ 10:20 | Reply

    • I have my moments.

      Comment by lbej — June 25, 2010 @ 10:44 | Reply

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