Mr. Sensitive

April 28, 2010

Basement War – I Crossed The Yalu And I Didn’t Know It

Filed under: Basement War — lbej @ 18:54

The BEF pushed out from the rear of KS and MS Garage in simultaneous flanking maneuvers with a goal of driving dirt, leaves, crusted oil, gum (at least ten pieces), and spider bits out through the doors, across the driveway, and ultimately into the grass on the far side.  1st and 2nd Broom divisions performing well until the unexpected intervention of the wind.  Huge and sudden reversal effected as the wind lifted all the filth into the air in a shocking vortex that swirled throughout both sides of the garage.  Entire Broom Corps routed and dessicated spider eyes blown into my eyes, probably.  Fortunately I had a powerful force in reserve–an entire Leaf Blower Army.  I sent the troops forward and drove the detritus up and out, creating a virtual wall of airborne biomass suspended between the two armies.  “You think you’re the wind?” I screamed.  “I am the wind!”  I swear this happened and it was as awesome as you think.  I moved deftly between garages and closed first one door and then the other, a monstrous gale shrieking against my triumph.  I had won.  Then I went out into the driveway to complete the push to the grass, but as I had been forced to close the garage doors I was unable to extend the voltage supply lines I would need to support a Leaf Blower army.  I had to call on the brooms again and it took another 45 minutes to finish the job.  Ultimately I found myself sweeping frantically in between gusts, shoving the filth heap against the fence to the right of the garage before guiding it gingerly along the narrow windbreak it provided.  Again and again the wind drove me back, but I made steadily more and more progress with each ebb.  In the end, I achieved my narrow aim of sweeping the garage and driving the mess far enough away that it can’t just blow right back in every time I take the car out.  But I learned a hard lesson as well.  If Mao says don’t cross the Yalu, don’t cross the Yalu.  Or get a gas-powered leaf blower.

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